new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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