I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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