Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
