Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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