What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
