worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
