keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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