Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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