I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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