I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
