The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
