another moral hangover. fuck.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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