Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
