Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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