Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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