First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
