I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
