I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
