i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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