Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
