remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
