i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
