Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
