she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
