He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
