We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
