the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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