I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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