so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
