im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
