you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
