Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
