so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
