she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
