She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
