why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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