Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
