i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I deserve this hangover.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
