My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
