I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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