I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize