All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
