Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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