Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
