my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
