Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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