8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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