if you like me you must not know who I am
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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