Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize