Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
