you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
