I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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