Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
