You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize