I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i will never coherently bang her
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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