I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
