I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
