I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
