i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
