Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
