her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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