she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Someone shit on the floor
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
