1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
