I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
