I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize