Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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