you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
