i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
