apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
