I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
