You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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