I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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