dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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