so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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