this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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