apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
