Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
