Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is Oprah even human
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
