Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
