you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need to sanitize my soul.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
