We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
